It's vacation season, time to review the following "Lexicon of Travel Terms."

Airport: Where you are when you discover you left your boarding pass at home. Also, where you'll spend the first two nights of your vacation.

Amusement park: A place where parents cram themselves into little elephants so they can go around in circles until their toddlers throw up.

Baggage claim: In the airport, where you watch a conveyor belt for 20 minutes and never see your own luggage because it's in California-- and you're not.

Beach: What you can hardly see, because people's towels and blankets are so close together. Also, where dad checks out bikini-clad girls while wearing mirror sunglasses so mom can't tell.

Bears: Animals that -- along with mountain lions and mosquitoes the size of armadillos -- live in the wilderness. Also, what broke into your cooler and took the sandwiches. See "hike."

Car: A vehicle with toys, empty water bottles, maps that won't fold, granola bar wrappers, children who won't stop poking each other, sullen teenagers, spilled juice, Excedrin and parents who wonder why they didn't fly.

Cell phone: A necessity, because if your teenager can't text their friends every three minutes, nobody's having a good time.

Connecting flight: The plane you missed because your previous flight was late.

Credit Card: What you shouldn't leave home without ... and will be paying off until February.

Departure: The time your plane was supposed to take off, but didn't. See "connecting flight."

Hike: A long walk. See "bears."

Hotel room: A place that's smaller than it looked in the photo.

Internet café: A rest stop for teenagers.

Interstate: Highways that take you across the country ... when traffic moves.

Luggage: Bags in which your belongings fit at the outset but which can't be closed when it's time to go home.

Mountain: Something that looked a lot smaller and easier to climb in the picture.

Ocean front: What your room isn't because those were all booked in March.

Passport: Travel ID with the worst picture of you ... ever.

Rental car: A vehicle rented to transport everything you don't want in your own car (including the kids).

Rest stop: Where kids say they "don't have to go." Also, the place you left five minutes before they have to go.

Sun burn: What happens when you skip the sunscreen. Also, why the rest of your trip is ruined. See "sunscreen."

Sunscreen: A lotion you slather over every square inch of your (protesting) child but don't bother to put on yourself. See "sunburn."

Travel brochure: A fictional description, complete with color photographs, of your destination. See "beach," "ocean front" and "hotel room."

Video game: A device to which your offspring give their full attention throughout the vacation (including while you are trying to show them the Grand Canyon) and which they're bored with on the drive home.

Cathy Drinkwater Better writes from Eldersburg. E-mail her at cbetter@juno.com.

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