The phone rang. I picked up the hand-held device and said, "Hello?"

Nothing. I hit the "on" button and said "hello?" a couple more times before Doug came in, handed me the phone and said, "It's your mother."

I had been holding the remote controller for my shiatsu massager.

While I'll admit answering the shiatsu massager when the phone rings isn't the smartest thing I've ever done, it's understandable. In our house, we have too many devices and remotes with buttons arranged exactly the same way.

I hate it when I settle into bed, fluff the pillows, aim the phone straight ahead and push the buttons for five minutes trying to get the TV to work.

Doug's gotten used to it. He waits for something that looks vaguely like understanding to pass across my face; that's when he knows I'll put the phone back in its cradle and get the TV remote. Of course by then, we've missed half the show.

The cats are another story. It doesn't matter how many times I confuse these devices, they find it hysterical every time and roll around at the foot of the bed, clutching their sides and laughing until they cry. (Maybe they just don't remember they've seen it before ... sort of the way they chase the red laser light as if they've never seen that before. But hey, I don't laugh at them when they smack their heads against the wall chasing the laser. OK, maybe I do.)

Doug and I decided to watch a new DVD on Saturday night. Sounds simple:

1) Open DVD (which takes 15 minutes and three sharp objects);

2) Pop popcorn;

3) Put DVD into DVD player;

4) Turn on TV;

5) Turn on DVD player; and

6) Watch movie.

But it's not that easy. The coffee table has six remote controls on it. One is for the TV. One is for the satellite TV. One is for the surround-sound system, which overrides the volume control on the TV (and don't think that's not irritating when I can't find it because Doug took it and stuck it into his cell-phone charger).

The fourth remote is for the DVD player; the fifth is for the VCR that hasn't worked in three years.

We have no idea what the sixth one is for. Maybe it came with the house. It might work the neighbors' garage door.

Once we find the right remotes, Doug has to synchronize them so we have picture and sound. The movie finally got started at 11:15 p.m. We were both asleep before midnight.

We don't know how to use most of those remotes ... at least, not totally. Once we were trying to find out if a funny noise made by the TV was caused by the satellite system (which doesn't work in the rain) or by the TV itself.

To figure it out, Doug reset the sound to go through the TV speakers instead of the surround sound. Once we knew the problem was the satellite, I asked him to turn the surround sound back on. He couldn't figure out how.

"There, there," I comforted him. "You figured it out once. You can do it again."

He did — three weeks later. But he has no idea how. All of a sudden, it just sort of happened.

I think it was that sixth remote.

Cathy Drinkwater Better writes from Eldersburg. E-mail her at cbetter@juno.com.

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