I remember my baby shower, and how overwhelmed I was when all the ladies left and the baby games were put away. We had a whole room full of stuff!

Because we were expecting twins, we had two of everything. It was at that moment that I decided I wanted simplicity — less is more, right? I didn't want my children to have so many toys they didn't appreciate them, or have kids too spoiled to eat the good food that I prepare for them. I didn't want my kids to take things for granted.

Five years later, I have two lovely children who have a lot of stuff, turn their noses up at my meals and who seem to think money grows on trees.

Do I have spoiled children? Are we ruining our children by giving them video games, cell phones, music, computers, televisions?

How do I teach my children to appreciate what they have, understand that having things requires work (or mom's and dad's work) and that they are fortunate to have all the things that they have.

OK, OK, I do realize my children are four years old. I don't expect them to grasp such concepts at this age. But I do believe that, like anything else, these concepts must be taught at a young age and reinforced right into the teen years.

I was relieved to find that experts say that being spoiled is not determined by what you give a child, but rather, how you give it. Behaviors, not possessions. (Whew! I was wondering how I was going to cut out birthdays and Christmas.)

"A spoiled child is one who's demanding, self-centered, and unreasonable," says Dr. Harvey Karp, MD, creator of "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" DVD and book. Karp says in an article on WebMD.com that spoiled children may be easier to get along with when they get their way, but giving in to their demands makes them feel isolated and confused.

Psychologist Ruth A. Peters, PhD, author of, "Laying Down the Law,"agrees. "Spoiling doesn't prepare them for anything but heartache later in life," she says.

So how can we raise children who aren't spoiled? Experts suggest making rules and enforcing them consistently. Don't allow children to think the world revolves around them, and reward positive behavior. Hold your child accountable, and don't give in to temper tantrums. And (I like this one) don't act like a spoiled child yourself — children emulate what you do.

Sounds reasonable. But it can be tough to enforce when you're tired and just need to get two things in the grocery store, but junior is standing in the middle of an aisle screaming because you won't give him a box of animal crackers.

In these moments, take a deep breath and think, "Today I am going to make huge strides in not raising a spoiled child. I will not give in to this behavior just to make this torture end for myself."

Not being spoiled has its own rewards. Says Karp, "You raise a child who is loving and self-loving. ... You teach them how to pick their friends and their spouses, because if they learn how respectful people communicate, they'll look for that in their own relationships."

So does that mean my children can be good, well-adjusted and have a lot of stuff? We'll see where that gets me in another five years.

Kym Byrnes writes from Finksburg. E-mail her at kymbyrnes@gmail.com.

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